I am a product of this system…
I was going through some confusing emotions a few weeks ago. I confronted my best friend-Jessica. She gave me excellent advice, but by the end of the conversation she said something to me that really dawned on me. She said “ you use to be so confident; in high school you were that ‘I don’t care, I’m doing me kind of girl” and now you’re scared, confused, uncomfortable, unsure and low in self-confidence. I was stunned. I thought about it for a few days and looked over every action with a microscope. I was what she said I was. I wasn’t confident. I was so unsure of my life decisions that I basically agreed to disagree. I was so confused about who I was suppose to be at the age of twenty six. I was uncomfortable in my actions-I loved to work, but I wasn’t doing what I loved. Yes I started a floral business but that was my passion project dedicated to my mom. Our relationship had strengthened because of the business-it was fun and exciting but It was not my dream. I was okay financially but I was paying for what I needed to, instead of paying towards what I wanted. I realized I wasn’t myself. I was a product of the system. I was a millennial baby and I wasn’t succeeding as quickly as previous generations-why? Economical harshness. Difficultly finding work in your field, insanely high mortgage rates, unrealistic car insurance and a crazy idea that by thirty you should be in a brand new home, married, with two kids and a successful career. Reality check-many young adults in Ontario live with their parents until their at least thirty due to student debt, no work, low wages, high economical living expenses and impossible housing situations(unable to get a home because of too much debt and not enough savings plus unrealistic mortgage rates). I was unsure because the economical uncertainly made me uneasy. I was low on self-esteem because I didn’t have a job in my field-a job I loved. I was scared because I didn’t know if life would get worse before it got better-and if I would survive that worse part. I was confused because I wasn’t where I wanted to be by twenty six and I was uncomfortable because I wasn’t sure who I was anymore.
I am the product of my system. I am who ‘they’ need me to be. Where ‘they’ wanted me to be. Where I have to be because of unforeseen situations. I am a product of this unfair, unsure, unpredictable and uncomfortable system.